Full Circle

You're about to get a few posts in quick(ish) succession. I have a few things I need to say. Let's start here. I left halls today. It was very emotional. I remember moving in, before this blog was even a twinkle in my eye. Moving in, not knowing anyone. My parents left and I couldn't even go to see them go, I was crying. I was scared, I didn't know anyone, I didn't know what was going to happen in the year to come. Looking back on it now, this has been a bloody amazing year. The first few weeks, it was totally normal to go up to someone and just introduce yourself and start talking. Then everyone started to get to know each other. You realise who you want to be spending time with. Before I moved in, I knew that in the year to come I'd make friends, but beginning and not knowing who they'd be or what happened scared me. Or confused me. I don't know. It's been a funny old year with ups and down and bizarre goings on. I was sat in my room earlier, it was all empty. Nothing, just a mattress, exactly how it was when I moved in. Full circle. And it was just so sad. A whole life for a year, bagged up and bundled in the car, and I sat in the nothingness and cried. I loved it in there. Though I made a lot of new friends, I spent a good amount of time alone this year; I work that way. I spent a lot of time in that room, thinking, writing, dreaming, just being. And now I've left. Those halls were good to me, we went through a lot together. I think if a place is still there, you can go back and relive the memories. But that room will become someone else's, it's not mine anymore. Someone else will build their memories in there. So I just felt a bit sad, the end of an era I suppose. I lost focus this year, especially in the second semester, but you know what, I had a lot of fun. I just didn't want to leave. This has been my best year. That room saved my life. Sanity. My little room of sanity. Away. Far away and hidden but actually quite near. Just far enough away for me to escape and hide and try and be sane. And it worked. That room really did save my life. I really needed uni to do that; it worked. I always needed an escape route, ever since I was 14 or so. I craved it for so many years. A wise woman said to me years ago that uni would save me. I didn't believe her. I should have done. But now I'm home without a place to run away to with all my things and my letters and photos and little bits and bobs that made it mine. But now everything is here. I liked having my life split between two places. It made me think I'd be okay, if I can exist in two separate worlds, I can carry on existing, full stop. So we nearly burnt to the ground, flames, sirens, but we made it to the end. And when it reached the bitter end I didn't want to leave. I didn't realise how much I loved it there until I had to go. I love all those people, they're all brilliant. I had no idea I'd meet such amazing people this year. And we'll never all be together in the same place again, and that makes me sad. I just want to live in halls forever.

Seething Wells, Thank you for everything. You saved my life, and I'll miss you a hell of a lot.