Unhappy Rabbit

I feel.. I don't know how I feel. I don't feel right. I feel like I'm alienating myself because I don't want to be here. I just don't think I belong in this house. But what can I do about it? If I leave, if I find myself a little one bedroom flat, what if I don't like that any better than here? I feel like screaming. Ugh. Not a happy bunny.

Wordless

Words are running thin at the moment. It's so bizzarre coming back to a place that you had the most incredible year in, to find that it has somewhat changed. Except the place hasn't changed.. I think I have. I don't know. It just doesn't feel the same. I think my fears that the halls experience was what made it for me might have been right. I guess I just haven't got used to this place yet. And the way I was thinking this year was going to go.. it doesn't match up. I suppose maybe it's because I got myself hung up on the fact that you'd be here. I think I even convinced you. I'm sorry. I really miss you. I hope you're having the most amazing time. And I'm really glad you're blogging again. Strange because last night I was thinking of tweeting you to tell you start again, then I came on here tonight and found that you already had. I think you secretly read my mind. I need cheering up. I'm feeling one of our six hour msn chats. Those always had me smiling. Anyway. I miss you. That will be all.

Plummeting

Destination the Earth's core. Plummeting so hard and fast, falling with such speed that I can't even make out my surroundings. I don't know this place. The trigger: so small and insignificant, yet so powerful, mind blowing force. I don't know what to do. I'm pretty sure I've made a massive mistake. I'm so different from all of them. Chalk and cheese. And it's a concept so unbelievable I don't even expect them to try to understand. I don't even understand. But right now I'm rolling down the mountain so fast and I'm about to crash. And I know there's nothing that can stop me. I'm even losing my words now. There's nothing quite like this way of feeling. I'm plummeting down a dark elevator shaft into pitch black unpredictable nothingness. Where do I go from here? I don't feel like there are enough options available for me to pick the right one. Oh dear. That's the only thing I can say. Oh fucking dear.

Lost

It's been a long summer and I've neglected this blog but I'm back for now anyway. I needed somewhere to vent. I think I might have made a huge mistake. I don't think I want to be here anymore. I'm crying. I just want to put on my hat and a hoody and joggers and long socks and high tops and put my ipod in and never ever come out. I want to go back. I don't know what to do. This doesn't feel like my room. And I don't feel like me here anymore.

To Put It Simply

First

So yesterday I found out that I passed my first year at uni. Not just passed, but passed with a 1st! All the hard work paid off. The lowest mark I got in the entire year was 67%, three percent off a first. So I'm now officially a third of the way through my degree. And that makes me happy. But not as happy as you make me.

Two Hundred And Fifty!!

Blogger's telling me that this is my 250th post! What a milestone! Of course there have been a few along the line that never got posted, so technically it's not the 250th that made it to print, but it's the 250th that I've written here. Bearing in mind that my previous blogs never made it to 50 posts, I'm happy. And I don't see the end of it coming soon.. so here's to the next 250! 500 would be an amazing amount to reach, and now I've said it I don't want to stop until I make it! I've been getting back into the swing of blogging every day which is good, along with the creative writing I've been doing it brings a structure to my day.. I get up, I go to work, I get home, relax for a bit, write my target number of words of my story, blog, then relax a bit more. Work has been going well, I didn't make a single mistake serving wise today, no food came back because it was wrong, which I'm really proud of.. seeing as Friday was a bit of a disaster returns wise. The only slight disaster that did happen today was I dropped a large coke all over the floor! It went everywhere! Had to be mopped up, wet floor signs brought out, the works! But in the scheme of things it wasn't a bad day at all. I'm getting to know the till better, and the people I'm working with too. I'm doing more hours this week too, which I'm happy about now, but when it actually comes to the eight hour shifts I'm sure I won't be quite as happy. But theoretically I want to be working as many hours as I can to earn enough to enjoy myself over the next year at uni. So it's been a good day. And when pay day comes around on Thursday I'll make sure to buy a nice bottle of white and have a drink to celebrate this milestone! Just want to say a big thank you to everyone who's read the blog and got me up to almost 11,000 views.. it means so much to me that you take the time out of your day to read about what I've been up to. So thanks, and here's to more blogging!