Life Changing

So I haven't been here in a while. But I'm back for today, maybe more, I don't know. Life has changed a bit in the last few days. Last week was full of dark thoughts, but it's different now. I don't understand how music has the ability to change things so much. I found a band. They aren't very well known. But I've already got the whole house listening. They make my world stop with their sound. I've never known music like it. And they don't take it too seriously. If I didn't have uni, or no money, I'd be straight on a plane to California to make their December gigs. I think if I did it might actually change my life. With Nerina you listen to her music and then when you see her live it's just a hundred times better. And I can just tell its the same with them. The Rescues. They've rescued me. And I'm sort of a little bit in love with one of them as well but that's by the by. I really can't find the words to describe them but they've bloody fantastic. Can't stop listening. Just listen. It might just change your life.

Unhappy Rabbit

I feel.. I don't know how I feel. I don't feel right. I feel like I'm alienating myself because I don't want to be here. I just don't think I belong in this house. But what can I do about it? If I leave, if I find myself a little one bedroom flat, what if I don't like that any better than here? I feel like screaming. Ugh. Not a happy bunny.

Wordless

Words are running thin at the moment. It's so bizzarre coming back to a place that you had the most incredible year in, to find that it has somewhat changed. Except the place hasn't changed.. I think I have. I don't know. It just doesn't feel the same. I think my fears that the halls experience was what made it for me might have been right. I guess I just haven't got used to this place yet. And the way I was thinking this year was going to go.. it doesn't match up. I suppose maybe it's because I got myself hung up on the fact that you'd be here. I think I even convinced you. I'm sorry. I really miss you. I hope you're having the most amazing time. And I'm really glad you're blogging again. Strange because last night I was thinking of tweeting you to tell you start again, then I came on here tonight and found that you already had. I think you secretly read my mind. I need cheering up. I'm feeling one of our six hour msn chats. Those always had me smiling. Anyway. I miss you. That will be all.

Plummeting

Destination the Earth's core. Plummeting so hard and fast, falling with such speed that I can't even make out my surroundings. I don't know this place. The trigger: so small and insignificant, yet so powerful, mind blowing force. I don't know what to do. I'm pretty sure I've made a massive mistake. I'm so different from all of them. Chalk and cheese. And it's a concept so unbelievable I don't even expect them to try to understand. I don't even understand. But right now I'm rolling down the mountain so fast and I'm about to crash. And I know there's nothing that can stop me. I'm even losing my words now. There's nothing quite like this way of feeling. I'm plummeting down a dark elevator shaft into pitch black unpredictable nothingness. Where do I go from here? I don't feel like there are enough options available for me to pick the right one. Oh dear. That's the only thing I can say. Oh fucking dear.

Lost

It's been a long summer and I've neglected this blog but I'm back for now anyway. I needed somewhere to vent. I think I might have made a huge mistake. I don't think I want to be here anymore. I'm crying. I just want to put on my hat and a hoody and joggers and long socks and high tops and put my ipod in and never ever come out. I want to go back. I don't know what to do. This doesn't feel like my room. And I don't feel like me here anymore.

To Put It Simply

First

So yesterday I found out that I passed my first year at uni. Not just passed, but passed with a 1st! All the hard work paid off. The lowest mark I got in the entire year was 67%, three percent off a first. So I'm now officially a third of the way through my degree. And that makes me happy. But not as happy as you make me.