Brighton, Pete Bennett & Joe Mcelderry

I have so much work to do, and blogging is the last thing I should be spending time on but I feel like I've been neglecting it and I need a break. And this kills two birds with one stone. So here I am. Had a brilliant weekend in Brighton. Met Pete Bennett from Big Brother.. remember him? Bumped into him in Revenge and had a chat; looked like most people were too drunk to recognise him so I took the opportunity whilst it was there.. he's a really nice guy!

Then on the Saturday night Joe Mcelderry was playing at Coalition where we were, and he played his cover of Nerina Pallot's 'Real Late Starter'. He's not to my usual taste but I couldn't resist dancing to a song I knew so well! It was a great live performance and 'Ambitions' also sounded incredible. 

One of the best weekends in a while, definitely! There was going to be a point to this blog post, I was leading somewhere but I've completely forgotten.. so expect another one when I remember what I was going to say!!

Good Times

I have written on here in so long, been a bit of a let down, sorry readers! Been really busy with uni work, churning out all different forms of poetry, short stories and scenes from plays, essay plans and countless other things, and it still feels like I've got a mountain to climb by the deadlines. Just seen the take home test for Experiments in form, it's not tooooo bad, but still pretty scary. Will have to spend some evenings slaving away in the library when I get back to uni. Need to pack for Brighton this weekend, and for Kingston because I'm not coming home between the two. I've been deleting your texts to make room for ones from someone special, someone.. new. I never should have kept yours in the first place. But some are still too hard to delete so they'll stay in my inbox for a while longer at least. I don't want to say too much about this new someone because it's early days, but she's making me smile. And that's the most important thing :) So I should be much happier this time in Brighton, so my friends will be happy too. It will be smiles all round, all thanks to her. Good times!

On the train

I'm on the train on the way to London to see Nerina! Very excited! Just been lazing around on the Cricket fields for hours with Beth, Ciara, Kirstie, Anna and Rhys, it's so hot today!! I'm playing all the newest Nerina songs I have on my iPod to get me in the mood, totally buzzing with excitement, especially as there are songs on the album that I haven't heard. The single is out on Monday, fingers crossed that it will be big! We're having a meet up before the gig with all the regulars, and some I haven't met before. It will be strange, because these are people that I've been speaking to for yonks on twitter but haven't actually met; I hope I recognise them!! I tried to upgrade my ticket earlier but they only had back row tickets which is what I already have. Today I paid the deposit on our house for next year, so it's all sorted, very exciting times!!

Cherry Picking

I've had quite a productive day today. Last night I was thinking about product names, business names and brand names that I can analyse for my English coursework. I have to look at 15 of these names and discuss what an English-speaking person would think about the business, brand or product from the name. For example a name such as 'National Express' suggests nationwide coverage and a fast service. I've come up with quite a few good ones for analysing so far, and I've just been cherry-picking the best ones and writing down what I gather from their names. I'm planning on asking my family members what they think of the names as well just to provide a wider vision of what the names suggest, and that gives me more to write about. So I've written a few hundred words of a plan, but I'm still struggling to think of academic sources that I can link in with my ideas. But that's not due for another few weeks so I'll do more worrying about that nearer the time. I've also drawn up a big to-do list type plan with all my deadlines written up so I know what's due in when, and I can work through things in a chronological order. After doing that I went shopping, clothes shopping for the first time in far too long! Got a few nice bits from Dorothy Perkins and spent lots of money that I don't have, but I thought I'd get something new for the Nerina gig on Wednesday. It struck me today that even though this is the eleventh time I'm seeing her live, I still get just as excited as if it was only the first time. I really need a good dose of beautiful live music, so roll on Wednesday!

Postsecret 17/04/11

It's that Postsecret time of the week again kids! This week the secrets are really good.. I think there are more than usual and I found a lot that I can relate to, so this is going to be a special extended version of this blog post. Check out the secrets for yourself by clicking here.

 

My belief in God has wavered over the year, but I do like to believe that there is some kind of more powerful force than us, that some kind of God exists.And if he does exist in a form similar to us, I do hope he listens to sad songs when he's feeling blue. It can't be easy watching a world that you created descend into war and poverty, and see it destroyed by natural disasters and human activity. I reckon a bit of The Cinematic Orchestra on repeat might help him to think straight, just like me.

The next two secrets sort of contradict each other but I will explain why I have included both of them.

 

I like this secret because it is very honest. Having both suffered from mental illness and been in a relationship with someone with a mental illness I know that maintaining a relationship can be difficult. I think in that kind of relationship it does sometimes feel like you are having a relationship with the illness and not the person, and that is a challenge. But that person wouldn't be who they are without that illness, and if you love that person, it shouldn't matter. It does complicate things, and sometimes you just feel like giving up, but it's not always bad. I think the person who wrote this secret was going through a difficult stage. I know I've felt that way sometimes.

 

This is my favourite secret from this week's postcards. When suffering from a mental illness it can be really difficult to see yourself as an individual, as opposed to a statistic. But I found that there are certain people out there who can help you to rediscover yourself. I owe my sanity to my brilliant friends who stuck by me through the darkest times and made me realise that I was still a person.

I'd Die If I Lost You

I just read the most heartbreaking thing I've ever laid eyes on. I'd suspected it but it's true. It's hit me like a million tons of bricks. And I feel like it's my fault. So I'm writing a letter. Because writing is what I do. I never realised how massive my power to hurt people is. Scar them beyond repair. Everyone would have been so much happier if I'd not been here. It sounds so cliche but I do honestly believe that. If anything happens to him I don't know how I'll carry on. I really, really don't.

Collapse

I'm not doing so great at the moment. Everything I touch seems to collapse around me. When I'm at uni I want to be home, when I'm home I want to be back at uni. I don't feel like I belong here anymore. I've been away so long and things carried on without me, they found new puzzle pieces to replace me and I don't fit anymore. I'm not actually sure I can call either place home now. So here I am, not homeless, but feeling a bit homeless really. I've got absolutely mountains of uni work to be doing and I haven't even started. I'm scared, I know it won't be to the standard of last semester, because I feel like crap. And when I feel like this the last thing I want to do is write essays. Maybe I could get some of the creative writing done, but it involves a lot of reading too and I can't focus. It's not like I can't do it. Without bragging, I'm sure I could conjure something up and pass, but I don't want to just pass. I want to do well. I want to keep getting firsts, but it's a lot of work. I have to work out whether it's worth the effort. I've been listening to Adele on repeat, because let's face it, it's one of those days. I'm just not really sure what I'm doing with my life at the moment. It all feels a bit pointless, you know?

"I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited, but I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it. I'd hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded that for me, it isn't over. Never mind, I'll find someone like you." - If only it was so easy.