Response

I obsess over people to cover things up. It's just the way I do things so that I can think about other things to take my mind off what I really want. I know it can never happen with 'Izzie'. And I also know that it will never happen with 'Erica'. I don't want them. I just pretend I do to make things easier. It's easier when you have someone to focus on. Focus your attention on. Because then you don't have to think about things that you've passed by and opportunities that you've passed up. Well not passed up, but, missed, I suppose. Because either it wasn't the right time, or I did something wrong that meant that things couldn't happen. I'm more aware than you think, you know. I know I did a bad thing, and I know I'll never forgive myself for letting the opportunity pass me by. I want it back. I'd do anything to have it back. But when I thought it might be coming around again, you didn't want it. I don't think I really understood why. I'm not sure you did either. I don't know why I'm saying all of this, I suppose I just needed to get it off my chest. Responding to what I read, if you understand. Everybody wants what they can't have, especially me. And everybody wants what they know they can never have. But does never have to exist? Maybe I am talking to nobody, because maybe I am responding to something that wasn't meant for me, so you won't know when you read this. But even if yours wasn't meant for me, this is meant for you. And I don't care. I've given up caring.