The world was just waking up, dawn was casting light and long shadows over the dew-ridden grass. In the deserted playground a breeze brought faint hopes of life to the swings; they rocked hesitantly, creaking. The wind whipped up and a child’s glove raced across the tarmac, dancing to a near silent beat. The roundabout and climbing frame cast long dark shadows, but none darker or more elongated than that of the dead body hanging from the helter-skelter. Tied up with thick rope, thirty feet in the air, it too swayed gracefully in the bitter wind of the April morning.
I glanced down at my own shadow, blackening the grass, and that of my dog, who too had stopped in his tracks. It can’t have been later than half past five, but I had no means of checking. I never usually walked my dog at this hour, in fact I was never usually awake at this time. But right now my eyes were wide open; I’d come especially to see if he’d gone through with it. He had, he’d succeeded if the lifeless corpse before me was anything to go by. I was the only one left, and I’d be gone by the end of the week. I slipped a frozen hand into my pocket and let countless pills run through my fingers like grains of sand. Watching him there, dead before my eyes only made me more certain of my plan. After Elyssa and Shay had given up the battle just two weeks ago, he’d been the only one left for me to turn to. And now he’d joined them.
I’d spoken to him the night before, he’d seemed distressed, a feeling I knew all too well, and he bore a hopeless tone of voice that I recognised from my last meeting with Elyssa. I wished I’d been able to help him, but he was beyond repair, and the fight in me had drained out so profusely that I couldn’t even try. He’d told me through tears that he had written me a letter; last night just after ten, his final words to me; a suicide note laced with explanation and perhaps even an apology. But I was too afraid to approach him, to scale the helter-skelter, to stare into his drained grey face with lips bluer than an ocean and fumble around in a dead man’s pocket.
Fighting back the tears I decided in that moment that tonight would be the night. I knew I had enough to finish it. My palms were growing sweaty with my fingers clasped tightly around a fistful of tablets. They weighed one side of my coat down morbidly. I wondered how long it would take for my heart to cease beating. Too long I presumed. I wondered how long it would be before he was discovered; not long surely. The other early morning dog walkers would be out soon, along with eager children yearning for two minutes to play on the swings before school. The reality was that those two minutes would probably haunt them for all eternity.
Looking up at his body for the last time, I wondered if he and I would make the news as Shay and Elyssa had done. I wasn’t sure… teen suicide; they’ve heard it all a hundred times before. It’s repetitive, uninteresting. Tragic, but inevitable. But the tragedy was wearing off on me. I’d seen too much, I knew too much, I’d lost too much to be hurt like I should have been. He’d been dead for a long time though, it was only now that his body had caught up with his soul. That had pained me more, watching him waste away, it was almost like he was being buried alive. But now he was at rest, and I’d be with him soon. That was as comforting as it could have been, given the situation. My soul mate was gone, and all I had left was sorrow.
A dog barked somewhere in the distance, prompting mine to follow suit, and with that I left the scene. My dog and my shadow followed close behind, closer than I felt comfortable with. I quickened my pace, petrified of being caught there, but desperate to while away my last few hours. The sun was peeking over the treetops, painting pinks and oranges into the duck-egg blue canvas. The last sunrise I’d ever see, and it was remarkably beautiful, hindered only slightly by his silhouette in the foreground.
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