Wednesday, 8 December 2010

Lost And Delirious

I just watched Lost and Delirious. What a beautiful but tragic film. I cried. It brought back lots of emotions, especially those I felt when I loved and lost my first love. You know when you see a film, or you hear a song, and you just wish you had written it? That's how I feel right now. I think it's one of my favourite films now. I wasn't expecting it to be like that at all. Such a rush of emotions; I kept telling myself that it wouldn't end how I thought it would, and when it did, it crushed me. I felt it flush through me, the pain of losing someone and simultaneously the feeling of having nothing left to live for. I have experience of both, and the first hurts more. But I think that's only because by the time you reach the second feeling, pain doesn't really have any effect on you anymore. I suppose this is the first time I've really thought this all over in a few years, not since the immediate aftermath of the second feeling. Which is why I've fallen in love with this film, it's brought all these feelings back to me, it must be bloody powerful to do that. Love is a funny thing, a somewhat indefinable thing. It's personal to everyone, it means something different depending on who you are and on your past experiences. To me, it means a number of things, but nothing in particular that I can put a finger on, or find the words to explain. But I know the beginning feeling, things are just starting, or you want them to start. If I was brave enough I'd say what I mean but I can't. So I'll leave it at that. Perhaps I'm a little lost and delirious myself.

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