A Repeat Performance

Oh dear oh dear oh dear. I knew I shouldn't have gone out last night. It was a bad idea. But at the same time it was good. No, no it was very bad. Everything tangled back up again into a big knotted mess; things have never been so complicated. It's not like I went against my word, I said I wouldn't initiate anything after the deadline. And I didn't. I didn't make it happen. I told myself I didn't even want it to happen. I don't know what we're doing. I don't think you know either. But it's not good. Except really, it's so good. You're too cute. I don't know what it is between us, perhaps it's a London thing. It leads me to wonder so many things, like have you been thinking about it as much as I have? So man people told me you wouldn't have thought about it at all. So I wasn't expecting a repeat performance. But boy did I get one. It was more than last time. She was there, again, and by the end of the night I really thought she'd seen us. But I think she'd have said something if she had. There's a look. A look I've only ever seen you use for me. It's like if we look at each other like that for too long, there'll be an explosion or something, it's dangerous, I know I should look away but I just can't. On the dancefloor, we kissed again. Just quickly, again, another stolen kiss. Next thing, we're touching. Your arm around my shoulders, my neck, mine on your waist, your back, hand in hand. Dancing to Teenage Dream by Katy Perry, words so true. I can't hold eye contact for too long, but at the same time I can't bare to look away. Then once it happened I went to get a drink, I don't know, I didn't feel uncomfortable, but your looks were overwhelming me, I felt like I'd melt if you kept looking at me like that. And smiling like that. Mouthing lyrics at each other, growing ever closer to each other, faces just fractions of an inch apart. We held hands all the way back to the station, then she went into a newsagents to get something to eat, and left us outside together. I grabbed your arm as soon as she was out of sight, pulled you close and we kissed again. Not just a quick peck this time. It wasn't for long, fifteen seconds maybe? I don't remember exactly, it could have been minutes. It was better than good. Just, wow. And there's something about it being forbidden that makes it that bit more amazing. And this time is wasn't completely left alone after it happened, we spoke about it, a little. And you texted me some lovely things as we made our ways home separately.

'Wish I could have kissed you properly'

Sheeeeesh. Complicated. I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens when I see you next. Sunday. In two days time. Not going to lie, it couldn't come quicker.