Turmoil

I once thought that there was nothing that Grey's Anatomy couldn't heal. But this is so big, I'm not sure it's enough. Mostly when things happen I can get over them, even if it takes months or even years. But this is huge. This is on-going. And I simply don't know how to deal with it. How do I cope with this? I don't even know where to start. I can't stop crying; I can't force it out of my head. How can I ever look you in the eye again? How will I look at her? You are my friends. I think I'll just have to call it a day with knowing you. I keep thinking things through, but I can't seem to think of a plan of action. Maybe you'll do it for me, ask me to keep my distance, stay away from you both. Actually I really hope you do. This has been the worst day in a long time. If only I hadn't been on facebook, read those words she wrote. But then I would've found out at some point. We're friends, you would have told me, but then, I'm me, and we have history, so of course you wouldn't have told me. If there was a big, red delete button that I could press and erase you from my life, I'd press it in an instant. I want to have never known you. I want to start again and not meet you and definitely never kiss you and try my best not to want you. Has Grey's covered a story like this? I don't believe so. So how is it supposed to help me this time? In my hour of need. Or day. Or whole bloody life. However, whether or not Grey's can fix me this time, I still plan to spend every waking hour of the next five weeks watching it. Over and over until the words transcribe themselves into my brain. I'll try to uncover a hidden meaning somewhere, a concealed message that might help me. Even if I have to search through every episode twenty times. Fuck assignments, essays, uni. I'm in a crisis.

'A crowded room, friends with tired eyes

I'm hiding from you and your soul of ice

My God I thought you were someone to rely on

Me? I guess I was a shoulder to cry on'