This Time Last Year Special - 1/12/10

This is a really tough time of year for me. So today, even though it isn't Tuesday, I'm going to let you read my mini blog from this time last year. To cut a long story short, my beautiful friend Jordan Wickersham died on 2nd December 2009, here's the link to the Sun article, I'm not really in the mood to explain it all, I've cried enough today. But go and have a read, click here for the link.

So here's a blog post from my iTouch this time last year, and this week it really is exactly this time last year.

'Happy fucking Christmas. For five minutes just then it wasn't real, there was no car accident, Jordan wasn't in ICU and the story wasn't going to be in the Sun tommorow. Grey's managed to take it all away just for five minutes. Shit, it doesn't feel real.. Can't get my head around it all. It's just shocking. I'm going to pray for Jordan, she has to be okay, she just has to. I hope Sian's okay, because if God forbid Jordan doesn't pull through, I don't know what Sian will do. She's okay I think, as in not too badly hurt from the crash. Mentally though I bet she's tearing herself apart, bless her. It wasn't her fault it was the ice. I've done a lot of crying today, everything just seems to be going tits up. Fuck. Love you Chef, Jordan Ramsay, and Sianyard Barnyard, please please please be okay. Xxxxx'

That night I prayed and prayed that Jordan would make it. They told us she was in a critical but stable condition, giving us all false hope. The next morning I went into school, but Tug rang me about five minutes after I'd got in, letting me know that Jordan had passed away. I screamed, fell to my knees in the corridor and cried my eyes out. Teachers came out to try and comfort me and took me back to reception, they called people for me but I just needed to be with the rest of Jord's friends. I went into town to meet Tug, Frankie, Lauren, Emily, everyone was there. I didn't see Sian until after we'd all had coffee, bought flowers and made our way to Harlow to the hospital. She was being so strong. We waited for hours to see Jordan, and it was beyond horrible. And afterwards we had to tell ourselves, remind ourselves that it wasn't a dead body we'd just seen, it was our friend. I genuinely can't believe that it's almost been a year. I miss you more than ever Ramsey. Life isn't the same without you, it never will be. I'd do anything to bring you back, anything. But I know you're safe now. And I know you're sleeping peacefully. It's not fair, but it's true. I love you, and I always, always will. Take care, my angel. <3