Erm

I've just got in. It really is stupid o'clock, stupid being six. Six in the morning. Tonight. Oh my god. Tonight things turned upside down and inside out, and tangled themselves up beyond repair. I never expected anything that happened tonight to happen. Firstly, Erica broke something of mine. On purpose. And it was the straw that broke the camel's back. I wanted to leave, I wanted to get as far away from her and that place and everyone as I could, as quickly as I could. But like before, Izzie came straight to my rescue. Calmed me down and stopped my tears. We sat and talked for a while outside, and I told her what I'd been dying to tell her for so long; the way I felt about Erica. I'm not sure that she really understood, but I'm sure she tried. Once I'd calmed down enough to go back inside, we went to get a drink, and Izzie was still asking me lots of questions about my feelings for Erica. She asked me why I thought there was no chance of anything ever happening between Erica and I, and I replied with the obvious, because she has a girlfriend. And then something strange but beautiful happened. Izzie said that she liked me even though she had a girlfriend. I immediately assumed that she was saying this to try and cheer me up. But by the way the rest of the night unfolded, I realised she was telling the truth. We danced, her arm around me, my hand on her back to begin with, but hands wandered and fingers interlocked. Holding hands behind her back, out of view of everybody else. Hands were on breasts, bums, backs of necks. Long, lingering looks. Eye contact lasted for far, far too long. Sitting down, holding each other so tightly, and then. Then. She kissed me. Or I kissed her. It wasn't either of us, it was both of us. It only lasted a second, but it was the most sensuous kiss I've ever experienced. It was slow, warm. It wasn't desperate, it was surreptitious. Hidden. Nobody knew it even happened. But us. Those looks, sent ripples straight through me. I wasn't sure how many more I could take. Before tonight I thought she was attractive. Now I'm left confused, amazed, in shock? All I know is that I want to hold her hand again. I feel bad. I feel terrible. But I feel amazing. Perhaps that should've been the other way around. I don't know. I never know.