Postsecret

Sunday is Postsecret day. Check them out here!

I'm always wondering what my secrets would be. I ought to know them, they ought to be at the front of my mind, but they aren't. I find it hard to work out where they are hiding. They must be in there somewhere. But postsecret helps me to discover my secrets, by giving me a list to look at. That way, I can scroll down the list and pick out the ones that I feel are mine too. This will be a regular Sunday event. I'll also go through the archives and find a past secret that I really relate to, or feel that is mine as well. So let's go!This week I'd say that this is my secret. I think I'm definitely a better writer for all that I've been through with mental illness. It's given me a lot of experiences to write about, and most importantly an alternative way of thinking. Thinking about life, thinking about the world, thinking about death. Just thinking in general. But personally I feel that I write more confidently and about wider topics due to my own experiences. Also, when I used to paint, back in the day, I felt like a lot of my work was related to my experiences of mental illness too. So I completely feel like this secret is mine.

This is a secret from December 2007. At the time it meant nothing to me, but now it means something. It's a secret that's only been mine for two months; and for me it relates to my A level results. My predicted grades were B in English Language, E in Biology and U in Chemistry. These predictions were written down on my UCAS application, making it hard for me to apply to high-achieving Universities. It's fair enough, what kind of great University is going to accept an applicant who is predicted to fail an A level?! But what wasn't fair was that I knew I could do better than that. And I did prove them all wrong, because I ended up with an A in English Language, a B in Biology and a C in Chemistry, and 100 more UCAS points than I needed to get into Kingston. I've never been so happy to prove somebody wrong, but I still feel a little bitterness, especially as I could have applied to a much higher-achieving University than I did. Luckily, I'm happy here at Kingston, but the feeling is still there, at the back of my mind, just like my secrets.