Today I'm back to square one. Yesterday I felt better but today I feel down again. Been in bed most of the day watching television and eating cheese and crackers. Can't wait til this week is over and I can go home. Although I will miss Laura, Jen and Yaz, and the flat mates. Last night was really beautiful. We went to the vigil in Trafalgar Square and lit candles in the bitter cold. The Policewoman from Lip Service was there and presented the whole thing. My candle kept going out in the breeze, I took it to mean something spiritual, which it probably wasn't. After the vigil we went down to the Thames and climbed up onto a bridge and lit lanterns that flew way up into the sky until they were meek specks of light in the distance, in memory of those who lost their lives due to hate crime. It was really beautiful.
I have been writing this for a number of hours now. I guess I lost my inspiration. I'm definitely down again. And the worst part is, I don't know how to bring myself up again. I don't know how to get back to normality. I want to give up. I don't know what I want, but I don't want to try anymore. It's such a battle, and I'm fed up of losing it.
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