Wordless

Words are running thin at the moment. It's so bizzarre coming back to a place that you had the most incredible year in, to find that it has somewhat changed. Except the place hasn't changed.. I think I have. I don't know. It just doesn't feel the same. I think my fears that the halls experience was what made it for me might have been right. I guess I just haven't got used to this place yet. And the way I was thinking this year was going to go.. it doesn't match up. I suppose maybe it's because I got myself hung up on the fact that you'd be here. I think I even convinced you. I'm sorry. I really miss you. I hope you're having the most amazing time. And I'm really glad you're blogging again. Strange because last night I was thinking of tweeting you to tell you start again, then I came on here tonight and found that you already had. I think you secretly read my mind. I need cheering up. I'm feeling one of our six hour msn chats. Those always had me smiling. Anyway. I miss you. That will be all.

Plummeting

Destination the Earth's core. Plummeting so hard and fast, falling with such speed that I can't even make out my surroundings. I don't know this place. The trigger: so small and insignificant, yet so powerful, mind blowing force. I don't know what to do. I'm pretty sure I've made a massive mistake. I'm so different from all of them. Chalk and cheese. And it's a concept so unbelievable I don't even expect them to try to understand. I don't even understand. But right now I'm rolling down the mountain so fast and I'm about to crash. And I know there's nothing that can stop me. I'm even losing my words now. There's nothing quite like this way of feeling. I'm plummeting down a dark elevator shaft into pitch black unpredictable nothingness. Where do I go from here? I don't feel like there are enough options available for me to pick the right one. Oh dear. That's the only thing I can say. Oh fucking dear.

Lost

It's been a long summer and I've neglected this blog but I'm back for now anyway. I needed somewhere to vent. I think I might have made a huge mistake. I don't think I want to be here anymore. I'm crying. I just want to put on my hat and a hoody and joggers and long socks and high tops and put my ipod in and never ever come out. I want to go back. I don't know what to do. This doesn't feel like my room. And I don't feel like me here anymore.