Achievement and Concern

Suck that poetry module, I will not be defeated. I've done all the compulsory work; just the 250 word optional piece to write now, which if I can find the notebook with all my notes on it in, will be easy peasy and will get me a bonus 2%. And I need all the help I can get. I can't believe I've actually finished two modules worth of work, which I know is only half of what I was supposed to, but given the circumstances, I'm damn proud of myself. It's really taken it out of me.. I'm exhausted. I'm kind of worried about you though, my genius loser. The last thing you wrote on twitter was that you needed me, and I wasn't there, and I feel bad. And your blog post was all sad. And you haven't replied to my text. And I don't think you've ever not replied to one of my texts, even though we don't text that often. So.. if you're reading this and feeling down, I'm here for you. And if you want me to leave you alone just text me back saying that, because then at least I will know you're okay. I love you! People don't get the title of best friend without a reason. Anyway. It's going on 4am so I'm gonna hit the pillows. I really hope you're okay. Left arrow three ex one zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero zero etc. Over and out.

Words

Writing isn't a thing that can be forced. Writing comes when it wants to. I've been struggling to write 250 words for my coursework, but in the meantime I've written probably a thousand words in things I want to write: my twitter feed, personal writing, here. It can't be forced. If you don't want to write about a certain topic, if it isn't something you enjoy, the words just won't come. You have to tease them out, make the writing something you want to do, in any way you can, so the words don't feel forced. Words are delicate, fragile beings. They need tender loving care and attention. They want to stay with you, they don't want to be set free unless they are happy in their surroundings, you can't let them go until you're sure you've used them in the right way, said the right thing. Words are funny things.

I Think I Love This Man

I saw this man by accident on Thursday. Now I want to marry him. Serious straight crush going on here. You know how some people are gay, some are straight, some people like both, some like people for their personalities and not whats between their legs, well I think I fall in love with people for the music they create. I wonder if there's a term for that. If anyone comes across it - let me know?



What a happy little chappy. Come cheer me up Juan?

Losing The Plot

Why can nothing ever be simple? Why does sexuality have to be such a massive thing that gets in the way and stops people from being happy? My world's practically falling apart around me and I thought she was the one to help me block it all out. I'm fed up of putting on this brave face now. I don't have the time to finish all my uni work. I don't have the focus since everything went completely wrong. All I want to do is watch Grey's Anatomy, listen to music, and see her. I wish it wasn't so complicated. She needs someone, someone to tell her that everything is going to be okay, but if I can't get close enough to tell her, if she can't let herself be happy, she never will be. It's not that she's not letting herself, it's more that the people around her are judging her every move. And it's not just her happiness I care about, it's mine as well. I know she could make me happy if things were easier. At the moment I need a hand to hold. Why can't it just be easy? I wish I could just make her realise that she needs to do what will make her happy and stop worrying about her friends and her family. They will love her regardless.

And if she doesn't realise, I won't get the chance to love her at all. Not requited love anyway.