Here We Go

I'm in a thing that I want so badly to be right, but I just don't know if it is. Loving somebody used to be the easiest thing in the world. I want to be Hunt and say to her 'I love you so much it hurts. It hurts to love you.'

Argh and this isn't even what I meant to write this about. I miss being able to write the things I want to say here. Now it's patrolled territory. I think I need to make a new one. A secret one. I'll give you the link. And only you. You're the only one I trust to know what's really in my head. And maybe it's a burden I put on you; if it is I'm sorry. But you're my person.

She's trapping me. She's Addison putting me in a box but I'm not done fighting to stay out of her box yet.
I'm so fucking angry at her. I was happy the way things were, with a helix piercing and a shaved part of my head, and with you as my friend the way we were and writing this petty blog. I don't like to tidy my room. I don't like that she's arranged my dvds. But I can't disarrange them, can I?

I'm so sorry you got caught up in our silliness. You don't need it. And it's driving me potty. She won't drop it.
Enough about her.

Relationships shouldn't be more important. Friends should always come first. You don't have to prove anything, and frankly, neither should I. I'm so sorry I wasn't here when you needed me. And I do need to apologize, this isn't normal human behaviour. I've become a recluse recently. You didn't need me deserting you. It makes me a really shit friend. Listen, I know it's no compensation, but I'm here, whenever, if you ever do need me. And I'll buy dinner at Postsecret? Or drinks, or whatever. And anything you need to get out, you can take it out on me. And we can compile lists of secrets and set them free.

I need my person. And if you need me too, I'm here. I'm sorry I left it so long. I want us to be back how we were and I know I'm the one who ruined it and I'm the one who needs to put it right. Sophie gets so riled because I can tell you anything. It took a long time to build this friendship and it scares me how someone can just reverse into it and destroy it and that's pretty much what I've done. So I need to pick up brick by brick and piece it back together because, and I know I haven't exactly shown it lately, but this isn't something I want to lose. I don't want to lose you because you mean a hell of a lot to me. I don't know what to say because nothing I can say can explain why I became a zombie or excuse it. And you gave me the best advice I've ever had, to say what's on my mind because you could die tomorrow. And I've been trying to do that. I miss you. And I love you. You'll always have a very special place in my heart. And we've always been the sort of people who can talk and talk and talk, then go a week or a month without speaking and then get straight back into the thick of it. I hope we still can.

And I know you can get published. I know it. You are incredible, and incredibly talented. And it'll happen for you.


And I wish I didn't have to delete this at some point because it's the most honest I've been in a long time. Maybe I won't delete it, just move it to the new blog. I need somewhere to vent.




Kristina I'm so sorry. I hate hate hate that I wasn't there for you when you needed me, it makes me shudder with anger. I hate the person I've become. I want to get back to the old days, Frankii and DarkLashes and Taylor. Haha. From now on I'm not letting you down again. And that's a promise I have to keep.


Left Arrow Three. Always.