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I'll tell you something, in this post, and the following post which doesn't yet exist. Right now, this blog is yours. Yours and mine, for we are the only two who can read it.


I keep crying.
I hate myself for things I have done and things I have not done.
Tomorrow evening, or Wednesday, I will write you something here. Something that has been a long time coming. I'm sorry it's taken me so long. I am a useless human. I feel fourteen again with cuts decorating my wrists and so much in my head that all I can bear to do is sleep.

It's when I read what you have to say that I cry. I feel so guilty.

This post won't last forever. I will have to delete it, and the next one, once I know you've read it.


I am sorry.

I have never meant these words more.